“the date on which an event took place in a previous year”
To me anniversaries have always meant a joyful celebration but as I grow older and have more life experience, I have learned that anniversaries can be so much more than that. Anniversaries can be a time to reflect, be grateful and remember how far you have come but it can also be a sad reminder of who or what has been lost, our suffering, things we no longer have, or loved ones who are no longer here.
September is one such anniversary month for me. It’s a month that is filled with memories of some of my toughest times. I was diagnosed with triple positive breast cancer on the 1st September 2016, my first operation was on 14th September after which commenced a horrendous 20 months of treatment and further operations from which my body will always remind me. At the time of diagnosis, I was uncertain of my future and the effects mentally and physically. As I would learn firsthand, the cruelty of cancer affects not only the sufferer, but those around them.
As I reflect on this 4-year anniversary, I am filled with gratitude for not only the miracle of beating this insidious disease that claims so many, but also that I have overcome many of side effects of the journey. Some of the worst side effects for me weren’t always visible. When one is physically sick it’s easy to identify being unwell but when you are emotionally unwell, quite often you suffer in silence.
The photos below are a good example of this. The first photo is when I was physically unwell; going through an intense chemo regime whilst the other is once my treatment was completed. I look great in that photo and was told many times by those around me the same, yet I returned to work with no confidence or self-belief and at this time I was probably the most unwell. I had been suffering with anxiety and was diagnosed PTSD.
Anniversaries force you to reflect and looking back isn’t always easy. Especially when countless others haven’t been as lucky and the survivor’s guilt sets in.
The last four years has taught me that it’s important to find gratitude even in the darkest of times.
Ironically, the following is a post shared on the 16th September 2016.
10 lessons from the Dalai Lama
- Nothing is permanent
- Smile if you want a smile from another face
- Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to achieve it
- Once a year go some place you’ve never been before
- Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck
- Follow the three R’s – respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility for all your actions
- With realisation of one’s own potential & self confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world
- The ultimate source of happiness is our mental attitude
- You have to start giving first and accept absolutely nothing
- Kindness is the key to peace and harmony in the family life
Some people call it resilience. Some call it grit. But whatever you call it, improving your mental wellbeing is the best thing you can do to unlock a happier life. I believe to create a happier and more compassionate society we need to be there for each other and take practical action to help improve our wellbeing.
Whilst I find it hard to celebrate when others don’t have the opportunity, I am eternally grateful to be here and am motivated to be the very best version I can be.
“We all want to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you are climbing it” Andy Rooney
Forever grateful Nic xx
